The Unsung Mum and the Peppa Pig Predicament

You may have noticed that The Spratts watch a lot of television. The Unsung Mum has no idea where this habit has come from, as when she only had “The One” they’d strictly watch it between 4pm and 5pm while she prepared a fresh organic rainbow dinner.

It wasn’t meant to be like this, she swears. She had really good intentions when The Baby was born. She was going to take The Baby to Waterbabies at four months like she had The Kid and go to those library singing groups every morning where everyone is happy and looks very put together.

The Unsung Mum was naïve though. The baby soon reminded her what it was like to have a baby in the house again. Only this time when The Baby slept, The Unsung Mum couldn’t, as she still had The Kid to watch. Hence the wonders shit that is children’s TV.

The Kid’s favourite was that little pink pig, and now two years on, has become a firm family stable, a bit like crumbs on the floor and beige food. So when The Unsung Mum stumbled across a post today that mentioned “shows like Peppa Pig are damaging kids” she clicked on it, then straight back off.

The Unsung Mums first reaction to this well-known online news site story was…..

“Crappers. I really am a shit parent.”

That night, while laying on The Baby’s floor for the umpteenth time she swears to stop putting TV on for convenience, and only when she’s completely desperate, like if The Baby wants the craft stuff out or if The Kid wants The Unsung Mum to read Daphne the Diamond Fairy. Again.

“There all better.” She thinks smugly.

Except then, trapped in the dark with an eagle-eyed baby, she realizes that she doesn’t feel any better. In fact, she feels a little-pissed off.

What is it with these “experts” who always think offering their tuppence worth of advice is helpful to parents?

The Unsung Mum often wonders who these experts are and if they actually have kids of their own.

Do they look after them themselves or toss them over to their au pair while they write shit like “Kids’ shows such as ‘Peppa Pig’ damage children’s emotional development” and “stops kids from learning new concepts as they are so used to being entertained by external sources.”

The Unsung Mum thinks this is tripe but it doesn’t stop her from feeling guilty.

“Great, another thing I can add to my ‘what I’m apparently doing wrong as a parent’ list.”

The Unsung Mum would like these “experts” to look after their own kids on a rainy day and dare them not to turn Peppa Pig on. Yep, it’s fecking tedious and teaches them to be stuck up cows, but for five minutes’ peace The Unsung Mum thinks it’s bloody worth it.

She’d rather have The Spratts run around screaming “di-saw raaaa,” and screaming the Birdie Birdie Woof Woof song wrong every two seconds then go off her rocker because she hasn’t had a moment to herself.

It’s either that or the daily thought of adding a padlock to The Spratts oversized trampoline, trapping them in, but at three and two, thinks Peppa Pig is probably the safest option.

The Unsung Mum knows her kids watch more Peppa Pig then most, and that she should take them down the park instead. But after spending the country’s debt on ballet/swimming/gymnastics/karate/horse-riding lessons that she knows they will have no interest in next week, she just can’t be bothered, and is pretty sure that watching Peppa “blasted” Pig most days won’t turn them into something…well…hideous.

In fact, to celebrate her success of running The Spratts to this place and that, she has now rewarded herself with a large slice of lemon drizzle while hiding under the stairs.

“If only the blasted program lasted longer.” She grumped.